Trip to Rotterdam with Fia and Hanna tomorrow. It's 3.01am. I should be sleeping but instead I'm so very awake. Thursday is Fia's birthday (remember: baking a cake for her with Megan at Filip's, possible pre-drinking at my place, then to Olivier's), then a trip with the Austrians? To who knows where.
"have you decided where to go at the weekend? i don't want to force myself/ourself but i of course i have to ask (i had to google this phrase, obviously)."
and when I asked for more clarification...
"that if you would like to do a city trip or you decide to do so, i think i/we would like to join for almost everywhere u (or we ^^) decide to go.. BUT if you want to go on a trip on your own (or just girls or just canadians.. blabla) it's absolutely ok!!"
...cutest. I love everything about this message (which was in a string of messages for three hours). I love the uncertainty of a new friendship, I love the traveling that will take place, I love the travel companions, the understanding, the broken English. I love it all.
[end thought]
I'm sorry he didn't pick you, and I'm sorry it didn't work out how you thought it would/how you wanted/how you needed it to. I'm sorry I wasn't easy to like or easy to appreciate or easy to get used to. I'm sorry you were jealous of the things I had - but those are things I worked for. I work every day for what I have and where I am, I work every day in order to make and keep the friends I have. You have no right to envy those things.
I'm sorry you went out of your way to make my life hell for so long. I'm sorry you felt that was necessary to make yourself feel better. I'm sorry I wasn't a bigger person. I'm sorry this has gone on so long. I'm sorry it matters. I'm sorry I care. I'm sorry.
Where was this going? I just needed to say it. But it didn't bring the closure I needed. I don't know what to say to wrap it up and work through these feelings. I'm not sorry. But I am. But you did this to yourself. But I was no help. Augh.
[end thought]
Why won't you Facebook me? I need my best friend right now, too.
musical love: skinny love x bon iver
what i'm eating: sweet pickles
on the tv: grey's anatomy
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